.:Izyanic Inclinations:.

perplexing vortex

2011-12-12T22:10:00.000Z

"Did you two have some sort of history?" "Of course not!" i vehemently denied what to me was starkly obvious. "We were friends, nothing more." She probably didn't realize how i had referred to him in the past tense. "Well, maybe he thought differently, maybe he thought there was something going on between you two, that you had feelings for him or something," my friend suggested. "But why would

Wedding bells.

2011-11-11T00:01:00.004Z

++Post written 4 months in advance++ Today is my wedding day. Today, I am to be married to the perfect man. I have flawless porcelain-like skin, and am the ideal weight. And I get to wear that pretty wedding dress I've always dreamt of. 3 years ago today, that was the perfect life i pictured myself having today. But no, reality is much crueler than that. It feels almost criminal to actually

How to save a life.

2011-10-09T13:36:00.001+01:00

I got the dreaded bleep at half past 7 in the evening. I knew it was it because somehow it didn't sound like any of the other one million bleeps i had gotten before. This one was different. This one went on forever, like a fire siren. And then a voice boomed in "Emergency in hospital ground! Emergency in hospital ground!" For a split second i was frozen in track, unsure of what to do next. But

Tee-Vee

2011-09-25T18:43:00.003+01:00

Let me tell you how medicine has ruined TV for me. I remember a couple of years back when I had the pleasure of being a guest at a family friends' home in Aberdeen. While the Akak was preparing dinner, her brother sat watching TV with me. He flicked through a couple of random channels and finally settled on House. My favorite show, he says with a grin. Halfway through and 10 minutes into what

My Vampire Story

2011-07-25T20:43:00.001+01:00

The first time I met him was on a Wednesday - post call. He looked awkward at first, quiet, shy and out of place. But once the rounds started he almost too naturally became one of the team. I remember Rita leaning in to me during one of her gossipy moments and whispered, "Don't you think he looks like a vampire, all tall and skinny and pale with that really dark hair?" I didn't really think that.

Dear diary.

2011-07-23T04:28:00.005+01:00

You don't need to ask. I'm well aware how you're burning with curiosity wondering what my first 2 weeks of being a doctor was like. So here's a quick rundown of the last 12 days i had been working. 11/07/2011, Mon: First day. I woke rather early today. But I took a good hour long curled up in bed trying to calm jumping nerves. And then I took another hour to decide on what to wear. I'm like that

Siblings

2011-06-09T18:03:00.004+01:00

Ude, Me, Tateh and Balong I found this picture lying around at home, and I absolutely love it!I'm not sure when this was taken exactly, but I'm guessing 1991/92. Now before u start criticizing me, I'll go ahead and say it myself: Yes, i look like a ridiculously uncultured little girl. I guess I could have used a lesson or two on how to sit more ladylike (I mean, even Balong who is notorious for

Invincible

2011-05-28T00:30:00.010+01:00

Okay, so i suppose with the end of the intern shadowing exams yesterday I am somewhat officially done with med school. For a while after that realization, i felt like i was walking on clouds - lightheaded and surreal. I felt sort of invincible, like the whole world was within my grasps. The thing about feeling temporarily invincible is that in that short space of time when nothing can touch you,

May

2011-05-26T18:15:00.000+01:00

You keep hurting me over and over again with your words. You keep saying things that you aren't supposed to say. Yes, i know in reality you're not actually saying them out loud, but writing it so everyone can read is basically just the same as yelling for the whole world to hear. If you hate me, tell me! If you think i'm insufferable, obnoxious, egoistic, snobbish, tell me! Don't go plastering

island

2011-05-09T16:11:00.002+01:00

If you know me well, you'd know that I am not a people's person. I am clueless when it comes to social etiquettes and even though i may seem relatively decent in my writings, reality is I often thoughtlessly converse in the fatuous manner of a baby monkey inflicted by verbal diarrhea (i.e offensive, ignorant and excessive). But that being said, you may find it hard to believe that I am actually

Connemara National Park

2011-05-02T17:57:00.004+01:00

So what did we do a day after unofficially becoming doctors, u ask?We went hiking, hell yeah! After working our brain muscles all year long and neglecting the approximately 639 other muscles in our body (hahaha, Dr Carey would be so proud of me for remembering that!), it was about time we went out for a little exercising. And lucky us, it was such a lovely day out - the sun was shining

Emails and strangers.

2011-04-25T23:54:00.002+01:00

A few months back, i got an email from a total stranger. Instead of discarding it into the trash can (like i usually do), i decided to read it and write a VERY VERY LONG, LENGTHY, BORING reply. Months passed and I never heard from the person again. That was, until a couple of days ago. Anyway, I'm not in the mood of writing long-winded entries today, so i've copy-pasted those emails for your

Dextrocardia

2011-04-23T16:21:00.001+01:00

They make justifiably incorrect speculations about where my heart lies - Some say it's somewhere across the ocean, probably under the deep blue sea? Or maybe it's among stars, between planets and solar flares? Others say i have no heart at all, which is a fair enough observation given my personality. But they're wrong, of course. I do have a heart. And it's beating as strong as ever. It's

ヽ(￣д￣;)ノ=3=3=3 "panic panic!"

2011-04-19T09:13:00.000+01:00

Exam's tomorrow. Panic.... Panic attack. And then, A text from Abah: ------------------- Aslmlkm dearest Putri, We wud like to put it on record that you hv done extremely well over the last 18 years from lower primary school up to ur Medical School that whatever happens in this last leg, we are superblously proud of you. So, just go out there and do it and worry not about anything. Go do ur

Self affirmation ritual

2011-04-17T21:07:00.001+01:00

Warning: This is a ego-massaging post. I was talking to Simon a couple of mornings ago, and somehow we ended up talking about Mr Lang. Simon was saying how this particular surgeon had bludgeoned people to death in the ENT viva (oral) exams last year. "Oh," i commented. "He was my examiner in the exam and i thought he wasn't all that bad. In fact, i thought he was pretty cool." Simon didn't look

The Final Battle

2011-04-12T23:16:00.000+01:00

I found this entry in my huge collection of drafts. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ (Dated 13/04/2009) Around this time in 2011, it will be me in that hot seat. It will be me with that stricken deer-caught-in-headlights look on my face. Fuhh, i'm getting cold sweat just thinking about it.~ Hopefully by that point in time, i'll have everything snugly

Kaleidoscopic

2011-04-05T02:44:00.000+01:00

"What is this life full of care, if we do not have time to stand and stare?"-W H Davis- When things don't seem to moving the way i want it, all i need to do is stop, take a deep breath in and count all my blessings. And then I remind myself that there's a silver lining somewhere; that Allah has big plans for me, (plans which may not necessarily be what i imagine them to be but amazing nonetheless

Cupcakes

2011-03-26T23:50:00.000Z

Picture of the day: (Emy's big open mouth is just class!) As is customary of the Carbrian Girls, a group photo to mark the occasion of the annual "Solat hajat & bacaan Yasin" event for final years (we're the guests of honour this year!). It's hard to believe that the we've come this far. But we have! And I'm glad and grateful to have shared every single step of the journey with my housies. Yes,

afterthought

2011-03-20T07:35:00.001Z

They weren’t not in love. It’s just that the subject, as such, never really came up. It kind of loomed over them like a blissfully stupid cloud. The love cloud.Guaranteed to rain on your brain, ‘til you’re moanin’ with seratonin.Maybe what was happening was that they were in love with the idea of being in love. But that’s still love, right? Instead of loving each other, they loved an idea. An

Frost bites

2011-03-15T22:59:00.001Z

|| Cauliflower ear || || Needle stick injury || ------------------------------------------------------------------------- The lingering breath of Winter in the cold of March. Brrrrrr~~

Because we forget

2011-03-05T20:56:00.002Z

I overheard a conversation among friends today that struck a cord. And I literally felt a sudden chill run down my spine - like a shock of electricity. My heart felt heavy, so very heavy. I felt the urge to do something, to say something, to make them stop. But in the end, I did nothing. I'm such a coward. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Below is something

OHCM

2011-03-03T22:46:00.000Z

"Not for her a listless, dull-eyed wordless decline; with her it is all rush, gabble, celerity. She had always been a talker, but now her dementia unleashes torrents of speech.... One train of thought switching to another without signal or pause, rattling across points and through junctions at a rate no listener could follow... Following the sense is like trying to track a particular ripple in a

Poison

2011-02-27T18:04:00.000Z

There aren't many people i know who can handle my sarcasm and straightforwardness. My dad says i have that gift for one-liners which, when well executed, often stuns people to a dumbfounded (and probably slightly angered) silence. Not the greatest trade to make friends but certainly, “You’d make a great lawyer”, he told me once. But no, i didn't take that path. I chose to become a doctor instead.

Kingkillers!

2011-02-22T00:45:00.001Z

"There are three things all wise men fear: the sea in storm, a night with no moon, and the anger of a gentle man." An escalating rivalry with a powerful member of the nobility forces Kvothe to leave the University and seek his fortune abroad. Adrift, penniless, and alone, he travels to Vintas, where he quickly becomes entangled in the politics of courtly society. While attempting to curry favor

The guy

2011-02-14T19:16:00.000Z

As much as i wanted to speak to him, i couldn't. It was a potent mix of awkwardness, my fear that my mouth (which is way quicker than my brain) will blurt out something stupid, and most importantly, the inherent taboo of a girl approaching a guy first. So i kept my cool. Pretended not to notice. Appearing not to care. But with an open book in front of me as cover, I stole secret glances his way

Without Us

2011-02-12T22:31:00.000Z

I think a book would make a wonderfully lovely present for someone. It's relatively inexpensive yet if chosen correctly gives a wealth of knowledge, wisdom, and entertainment. Of course i'm only saying this because i want such a present for myself. Oh how wonderful it is to flip through the pages of a book someone had thoughfully picked out for you. How lovely it is to feel the weight of it in

Back to the future

2011-02-04T20:29:00.007Z

(I found this old thing in my collection of unpublished drafts, written in 2008) Life has been pretty hectic lately. I was kinda expecting this going into the new semester, but it still hits me pretty hard. I'm not used to lack of sleep, mostly cos sleep is my favorite pastime. And since it's human necessity, i do occasionally take a wink or two in between perusing my well-worn notes and

Barriers

2011-02-02T23:19:00.008Z

It was an awkward dinner. I tried hard not to stare while he danced his vision ever so slightly trying to catch my stolen ogling. He smiled a knowing smile, and i lowered my gaze and blushed at the idea of being caught red-handed. "Can i ask you a question," he asked suddenly. "ye...yes?" i stammered, taken completely off guard. His eyes bore deep into my conscience, his expression both

Linger

2011-01-26T22:58:00.000Z

I felt that he was an nice enough man, although maybe a little rough around the edges. His words made me warm and fuzzy inside and he was a good listener. But more importantly than that, I felt he could be trusted. So i ended up telling him everything; right to the last detail. I guess all this while I just needed someone to talk to, someone outside the small circle of people I see almost every

Tell me

2011-01-23T01:24:00.002Z

It was roughly about this time 3 years ago that i started to blog on a regular basis. Now, a full cycle (and a bit more) around the sun later, it's time for me to reflect on my journey. If you must know, backtracking on things you've written in the past isn't a lovely experience. It displays your flaws out in the open where exposure to the elements makes it ugly, rusty and tarnished. Like a

Bug

2011-01-14T21:05:00.000Z

In the distant future, on a far off world inhabited by a race of giant alien insects, we meet Bug. A starry-eyed dreamer, Bug has never quite fit into bug-society and inside the pus-vesicle that serves as his heart, he longs for something more. When his planet is visited by a Starship of colonizing humans, Bug will set out on an adventure to find love and save the world. In 2011, one small bug

Oncology means cancer

2011-01-13T20:14:00.002Z

Today was the longest clinic i've ever been to, but arguably one of the best one yet. I saw a whole array of oncology patients through that almost 7 hour session (with no breaks whatsoever mind you). Testicular cancer (undoubtedly the most interesting!), breast cancer, malignant melanoma, bladder cancer, colon cancer, lymphoma, lung cancer both small cell and non small cell, ovarian cancer,

Breathless

2011-01-09T03:20:00.002Z

I had moon over him for a while - that person i thought i loved. The one who made my heart race, my palms sweaty and my head spinning whenever he talked to me. He was like a heat stroke that came and went with the breeze (but in a good way). And i had been the willing victim to that spinning sensation he gave me. I thought it would always be like that with him; that I would always see him as my

Crossroads

2010-12-29T16:52:00.000Z

In half a year, i can finally say goodbye to "Izyan - the full time med student" and say hello to a new Izyan. Yes, "Izyan - the hardworking professional" (insyaAllah). But it's not really relief that i feel at that prospect, so much as dread. So many decisions to make. So many issues to resolve. So many people to please. And then, there's that one question I've been asking myself again and

Sparks will fly

2010-12-24T18:35:00.000Z

This post is heavily tinted in euphemism, coated in double meanings, and sprinkled with just the right amount of crazy and ambiguity that no one but myself would understand what I'm talking about. But that is the whole point of this post. To say what needs saying without actually saying anything. So there. Don't say i didn't warn you. ____________________________________________________________

Procrastination

2010-12-14T15:31:00.002Z

A couple of months ago, Fadh dedicated this video to me. We had a good laugh. Why not? After all, we used to call ourselves WPP (well planned prostinators) back in the day. I'm sure we've both grown out of that phase by now (or have we?!!). What do u think Fadh? hehe. p/s: I haven't seen Fadh close to 5 years now. But i still think of her as my bestest friend ever. Miss you ol' buddy. =)

How...

2010-12-08T22:21:00.000Z

...final med has changed me. I used to have the neatest handwriting ever. Nowadays, i can't even understand my own notes. Consultants and tutors are the bane of my sorry existence. Looking good no longer matter to me. Just today i was wearing a blue shirt with a red hijab to work. I mean, who's gonna notice anyway? I already look weird to the Irish even when i'm dressed to the nines. Sleep is

Lessons

2010-12-05T00:58:00.000Z

There is no merit in doing things with best intentions. There is no point in holding on to principles that will eventually break you. There are things in life just worth being fake for. In the end, people will still misunderstand you. It's how the world works. There's just no going around it. --------------------------------------------------------------- (did i mention that i'm a pessimist?)

titleless

2010-12-03T00:09:00.001Z

I don't understand what you expect of me. Just as you might not understand what i expect of you, or if i have expectations at all. I don't. Not really anyway. But the thing i realize is that i cannot be myself in front of you anymore. I have to pretend. I have to act like whatever lame joke you tell is funny. I cannot brandish my own brand of wits because you think it's rude, annoying and very

Stephen Speaks

2010-12-01T03:02:00.000Z

And spoken he has! Ahh~~~ This is just the type of song every girl secretly wishes a guy would serenade her.Me included, of cos (*wishful thinking).。・°°・(＾＿＾♪)・°°・。 p/s: I got this cover version off youtube - the singing was a bit breathless at parts, but his guitar playing in my humble opinion, was flawless.

Sweetness

2010-11-29T21:43:00.002Z

I found a box of macaroons on my locker today. Hehe. You made my day, Atik!Thank u. v(＾__＾ v) ♪~ LaLaaaLaLa~

Mr Lee

2010-11-28T23:34:00.002Z

I have found myself another Mr Lee to obsess about (adding to the 2 Mr Lees I already have in my collection). This particular Mr Lee I stumbled upon quite by accident, but the attraction was instantaneous. I can only describe it as love at first sound~ Yes yes, it was his voice that caught my fancy. Deep, sultry, with just the slightest hint of huskiness to it. He has the type of voice a girl

Trust me, I'm a Doctor.

2010-11-27T21:17:00.001Z

I keep hearing this song on radio. It's cool cos it has "doctor" (-->pointing to myself!) in it's title. Kyaaahaha~... i'm conceited... and i love it! =P I should mention this: The band's 100% certifiably Irish. Mullingar to be precise (Where i did my Obs&Gynae attachment last year. Woot!) My favorite of their songs is: Postcards from their Domino Effect album.

Read.My.Lips.

2010-11-26T20:07:00.003Z

p/s: and just in case you're wondering, those are in fact, my very sexy lips in the picture. hehe. =)

Frustration

2010-11-25T18:47:00.001Z

It's funny, and maybe a little sad, but since becoming a final med student, i have cried myself to sleep at least one night of the week, if not two or three. Frustration with classmates who've suddenly become so 'kiasu', frustration with myself for not knowing half of the things i should know, frustation with just everything in general. Even when i know that crying isn't productive, it's as

intern

2010-11-19T18:22:00.000Z

'Final' is a sad word. It implies that there will be no more afterwards. That i have reached the end of the road. The end to everything. Such finality bugs me, as i imagine it does everyone else. Some say the end only means the start of something new, something exciting, something extravagant etc etc... But what they don't know is that i don't like new, or exciting, or extravagant. What i like is

stardust

2010-10-24T23:55:00.000+01:00

Recently, I've been a little worried about my heart. It keeps wavering for reasons unexplained. The mention of a name, a thoughtful gesture, a couple of text messages, some meaningless words, a lingering smile.... mundane everyday things that shouldn't really catch my attention, but does. Grrr, how annoying. If only i weren't born with all this silly girly feelings, i wouldn't be in this mess

Life plans.

2010-10-10T20:59:00.000+01:00

This isn't exactly how I imagined it. But one thing I've learned about life, is that it rarely goes according to plan. Well my plan that is. Allah's plans, that's a whole different story. Am i a control freak? I rarely think so. But when things get out of hand, i freak. Which basically means the same thing, no? And here's the reason for my freaking out: Izzy's Life Plans (conjured up when she

Laugh with me

2010-10-07T22:32:00.000+01:00

Humor is a funny thing (hah! a paradox!). Anyway. It's funny because it's never quite the same for everyone. I find that to tickle my funny bone takes a little bit more effort than the average jane, because the brand of humor I keep seeing nowadays is relatively unimaginative and dumb. Dumb humor, though in most part may be able to cash in the money, is just... well... stupid. And I'm really

augustus

2010-08-13T23:47:00.000+01:00

By golly, i haven't written in a while. This place has gotten a bit dusty *seeing virtual cobwebs hanging gingerly from the edges of the left screen*. Swish, swish. begone you pesky proof of an unkempt blog! Ah, better~~ Alrighty, i have a big announcement to make. I have had some... well... rather non-supportive complaints recently about some of the things i write. Which is why i haven't written

Orange days

2010-07-08T02:29:00.009+01:00

Photo courtesy of our new friend, Jali and his awesome wide angle lens =) I close my eyes and feel myself rocking softly to the beat of the waves. The sun, with its UV rays at full force, splashes generously across my face. I feel slightly nauseated, but that is only to be expected. After all, it's such a rare occurrence for me to even be on a boat. Let alone one that rocks like this. If a

Muse

2010-06-12T00:38:00.003+01:00

The fervor has fizzled. The enthusiasm to write has started to slowly die off, and this is consequently evident in my posts - all the recent boring nothingness and unimaginative rantings. I would liken my writings at the moment to a can of carbonated drink left overnight and no longer gives that burst of zangy taste you get when it was first opened. What i have to offer right now is just stale

Shoes for Dad

2010-06-05T08:21:00.030+01:00

It was an adventure that took me 2 years, 3 countries, and a whole bucketful load of frustrations and misunderstandings. But i finally found it. The perfect shoes for dad. Black, just the way he likes it, with tinges of dusty red at the edges, an added flair I thought was pleasantly appealing. I made sure the soles were of leather, the size just right. Then i wrapped it in a box sealed with love

Obvious

2010-06-02T23:40:00.002+01:00

I didn't think I was. But i might have been wrong. This is really bothering me - the fact that my friends see the inside of my soul before i do. It makes me feel vulnerable, naked, utterly exposed. And then, after such an emotionally-charged and volatile moment, they shrug it off so nonchalantly while i'm left to fight with my inner demons. Morning and night. Alone. I am weak. I hate it. "

Wake up!

2010-05-31T07:39:00.004+01:00

I had once vowed not to write in anger. But today, I will. This morning I woke up to the news that the Freedom Flotilla humanitarian aid to Gaza had been attacked (read here). I can feel the anger bubbling within me when I read the news. It is anger so pure I doubt it can be tamed with a day of cooling off. I am so angry I can't stop crying. And now, my anger is coupled with a horrible ache i

Pixie dust~

2010-05-22T09:39:00.008+01:00

The Mysterious Menlo Castle Dangan River For years, we walked along the river's edge looking longingly across to the other side of the divide. Horses, green green pasture and a large ruin from time long past looms enticingly like a silent invitation for adventure. We'd sit across from all this mystery, dipping our toes into the chilly water, and dreaming out loud about someday finding our way

Shhhh...

2010-05-21T19:50:00.006+01:00

My dad says I should never write in anger. That I should not say anything I will eventually regret. That I should keep my cool, and only tell my deepest darkest thoughts to those closest to me (by that, I'm sure he meant himself and mom). So I'm not going to write in anger. I will cool my head off before putting my thoughts into black and white, or grey or pink or whatever colour my blog holds.

Happy Sillly ^^

2010-05-19T05:00:00.003+01:00

Okay. So this is a video i made out of pure boredom, using clips from my trip to Brussels Belgium last Spring. It's a video of me and friends being silly, and having good fun. So if you're not in it, you probably won't understand what we're constantly laughing about, or why. I dare not post this video on facebook for fear of answering to the wrath of my travel buddies. But i think i'm fairly safe

First impressions.

2010-05-17T22:22:00.005+01:00

It's no secret. I know what people think of me. Why wouldn't I know? Every time I ask, i get the same answer. Well, almost.Cold. Fierce. Vicious. Angry. Stern. Serious.They may use different words but the overall meaning is still the same = I'm not a likable person. And even when I expect this answer from people, I'd be lying if I said it didn't hurt just a little. Granted, most would usually

What do you see...

2010-05-08T00:50:00.003+01:00

...when you see me?I've always wondered why people read this blog anyway. They must know I'm never really actually honest when I write. "So why do they?" is what i keep thinking (assuming of course that I indeed have a laudable fan-base and I'm not merely deluding myself into believing that my blog is somewhat popular). Even with all my half-truths and sugar coated lies, people still seem to come

Nausea and vomiting.

2010-05-04T22:17:00.004+01:00

I'm really in the dumps right now. I think I probably caught something cos I haven't been feeling too well today. My tummy feels a little off and I have this acrid bile taste at the back of my throat, which as you might guess, is not very pleasant. The taste makes me feel like puking all day long, but every time i try to throw up nothing happens (Oh, except for that one time after dinner when i

ENT

2010-04-29T14:46:00.004+01:00

As i sat at on the chair waiting for my turn, i could feel my palms sweating and my heart beating just a tad bit faster than usual. Breathe Izyan, i had to remind myself. For some odd reason i had this strong feeling that if i didn't consciously orchestrate my own breathing I'd forget to breathe altogether and I'd keel over and die before i could even sit for the exam. Not the worst of outcomes

I could..

2010-04-27T18:11:00.003+01:00

... really use a good holiday right about now.IRELAND WINTER TRIP (Dec 2008)BRUSSELS, BELGIUM (Apr 2009)BUDAPEST, HUNGARY (Dec 2009)... some exercise would be a good distraction too.I've been stuck in my room among piles of untouched notes and books for far too long. I'm at the verge of going crazy.

Architects

2010-04-24T12:41:00.002+01:00

My mind wanders a lot when i study. Right now, I'm flooded with memories from school, which a bit weird cos i never liked school. But really, it's not school that i'm reminiscing about per se. I'm actually thinking about a friend from school. He was a good friend. In fact, the only guy friend i was ever comfortable with at any point during my 5 years of imprisonment there. I remember he wanted

Today's kitchen talk:

2010-04-18T21:18:00.003+01:00

Marriage, happiness, baby names. ...was what my friend wrote on her twitter. I couldn't help but giggle at her seemingly innocent statement. You see, it's nothing new. Whenever girls our age get together, the topic of marriage always manage without fail to slip into the conversation. It's like magic. So i sent her a private message, more to humor her than anything else: "It's funny how u girls

Cursed.

2010-04-16T11:26:00.003+01:00

I am notorious among my friends for my lack of a green thumb. Every tree, plant or flower I have tried to nourish in my life have time and time again died under my vigilant care. I mourn for each of these deaths. And then quickly move on to another. As they say, life must go on~~~ But today, i mourn yet again. This is a different kind of death (or deaths, to be more accurate). Today, following

The wise man's fear

2010-04-14T11:14:00.008+01:00

...is finally here!!! Well, not quite actually. Another day to go till its release on bookshelves worldwide! Wee~ Come on, jump with me now! Oh gosh, I feel like an excited schoolgirl who's about to meet the guy of her dreams. This is just so typical of me. I fall so completely in love with characters from books i read. I'm sure you all know i have a huge crush on Ender and his calm

53 is just a number.

2010-04-09T20:37:00.011+01:00

Today is my dad's birthday. As is the case every year, he will beat me at texting first. "Salam all, happy birthday to me. Have a good and beneficial day today InsyaAllah. Thanks for your sincere doa. May Allah bless you all. Abah" You see, my dad has a special relationship with his mobile phone. He takes her everywhere, all the time. Even makes my mom a bit jealous, i suspect. I don't

Bleach

2010-04-03T14:01:00.009+01:00

Introducing our special guest of the day, Miss Inoue Orihime from the anime/manga Bleach. Accompanying her on the humble pages of my diary is my favorite quote from Bleach. "Aren't you a lucky little kitty today?" I don't normally let people read my diary. In fact, i guard it with all my supergirl powers out of the grip of evil villains who try to snitch into my most personal thoughts. (

Final med 2011

2010-04-02T10:56:00.002+01:00

I have this niggling suspicion that the medical school where I go to is conducting a mass research project to see how far the human endurance can stretch before a person starts going crazy. It's either that, or they just enjoy torturing us. I mean, look at this calender! (pls scroll down) It's filled to brim; jam-packed to inhumane levels! I know i sound like a one-girl pity party but trust me,

Things unsaid.

2010-03-31T10:23:00.001+01:00

Explosion of words.Triggered by raging emotions.Sometimes it's best to keep your silence.And let your actions do all the talking.-------------------------(This is not a poem. This is me in twitter mode)

Psychiatry...

2010-03-20T10:29:00.001Z

......is not a walk in the park. It's actually a lot of work. And i don't really mean the usual memorize everything from the textbook kind. This is a different sort of hard work.First, you have to learn to be sensitive towards the patient's problems, however crazy they may seem to you. Then, you have to show empathy, act concerned even when you're not. And finally you have to be sensible when

How to be miserable

2010-03-18T20:27:00.014Z

A 10 step guide on how to be miserable i found hanging on the wall of the Psychiatric Day Hospital i went to today. Make little things bother you. Don't just let them, MAKE them! Lose your perspective and keep it lost. Never put first things first. Get yourself a good worry - one which you can do nothing about. Be a perfectionist - condemn yourself and others for not achieving perfection. (This

As special as you are.

2010-03-12T00:01:00.002Z

Thomas is 4. He will be 5 in April. Recently i noticed that he gets upset over small things. I tried to sweep the fireplace. "No, only Daddy can do that". When i try hovering. "Only Daddy can do that." When i go to get the post he cries " only Daddy can do that." Poor Daddy!! Thomas is used to his routine, so anything out of the ordinary will cause him to break apart. You see, Thomas isn't like

the march is on

2010-03-03T23:15:00.003Z

Nothing beats permanent than words written in black and white. I remember sifting through my collection of well-kept knick knacks last summer and finding lovely things written by people i would have otherwise forgotten about at this stage.An apology letter. Little scraps of paper with scribbled conversations between friends during a droning history class. Goodluck notes. Birthday wishes. Parting

Trickcyclist

2010-03-02T21:38:00.003Z

"Izyan, we're going really slow."I let his statement hang in the air - partly because i wasn't sure how to reply and partly because I got the weird feeling that he was blaming me for something. Could he possibly be hinting that my presence there was a nuisance? Or was he just making small talk, having exhausted the topic of weather? My mom once told me that i have a bad habit of psychoanalyzing

Ambushed

2010-02-21T22:14:00.001Z

Recently, I've been asked this one question again and again by different people."Would you choose an accomplished man over one who is not?"D'oh, any girl in their right mind would answer absolutely! Who wouldn't? But ah, if only life were that simple. You see, this is not a matter of answering yes or no. There is never only one side to a story. With every answer you give (be it in life or in your

Obsession

2010-02-20T01:45:00.000Z

Of course you make me happy, Seung Gi!!^___^Hehe. Okay, so this a fake post somewhat. I wanted to try out this animoto site i just discovered. And what better way than to use Seung Gi as my leading man. I got the video of him asking "will you marry me" (cute, right?) from youtube, and the pictures are courtesy of the world wide web. This took about 10 minutes to make, and the end result is

Unsent letter

2010-02-19T23:12:00.012Z

My dearest friend, It's such a shame that when we parted ways, personal cell phones were still a thing of luxury. Neither one of us had those. But you promised me you'd always write. And you did, a number of times. I guess in a way, you kept your end of the promise. I just wonder why the letters stopped coming. I have written to you many many times since your last letter with no reply. So I am

Creepy crawlers.

2010-02-15T07:32:00.002Z

I think the owner of the halal place downstairs has a little crush on me. It's either that or he's just plain creepy. I admit, I enjoy the attention, the discounts and the free food and drinks but that is about as far as i can tolerate his over 'friendliness'. When he started to broach the topic of marriage after just my 2nd stop at the place, my instinct says run Izzy, run! This guy is

Fly me home.

2010-02-05T17:31:00.003Z

"Some random things i might take for granted at times"Long weekends.The peaceful serenity of quiet early mornings.Great friends.Stimulating conversations.Pretty bracelets.Loved ones.Hot cocoa on a cold day.Kind words.I'm getting sentimental all of a sudden. Thing is, I'll be leaving for Mullingar on attachment this Sunday. I'll be alone in a unfamiliar place, with unfamiliar people. A whole 2

Aftermath.

2010-01-31T18:22:00.007Z

Oh nois, this is bad. Very bad.Twitter has turned me into a stalker.And a very pathetic one at that too.Vying for the attention of one man.A man I never actually liked.Until very recently.I have become the true embodiment of hopeless, pathetic girls worldwide.I blame you, Twitter!(And that man's surprisingly perfect English).p/s: Nowadays I'm prone to writing short burst of sentences with no

Keith

2010-01-28T18:58:00.002Z

Someone hugged me today. It was unexpected.But it felt nice, being hugged. "My name is Keith," he tells me. He puts a hand on my shoulder, his face just a few inches from mine and says, "I'm not short." Which is ironic, because he is. But i only smiled. "Hi Keith, I'm Izzy.""I'm ticklish," he beckons me to tickle him, and I did. That made him laugh. Pure and loud. His laughter was infectious. It

Wish List

2010-01-22T20:00:00.012Z

Funny, it's when you're most broke that you yearn for stuff you know you can't afford, and it's when you're at your lowest point that you crave for things you know you can't have. My current wish list of stuff i can't have ranges from the impossibly expensive (by student standards) to the relatively inexpensive but almost impossible to get. I'm just writing this down because i know that someday

Men..

2010-01-20T00:11:00.014Z

... and their lame jokes****************************************"I have a Q.""Shoot," I said brusquely with my eyes still glued to the computer screen, not exactly excited about what he was saying."Were you breast-fed as a baby?"If I wasn't paying attention before, I was certainly paying attention with that particularly weird question. I turned to look at him."Yes, I believe so." i stated with

Subbing Success

2010-01-13T19:09:00.018Z

I'm so proud of myself today. After days of hard work, i finally did it!! All by myself. Without anyone's help. So i'm gonna give myself a big pat pat on the back. *pat pat* "Good girl Izzy. You're the greatest!" <---this is my ego congratulating me.*grins sheepishly*Before i let you get a taste of the finished + polished product, you should at least hear all about my success story and the road

My ideal guy

2010-01-04T07:36:00.005Z

.....My ideal guy is tall. He is cute. He wears rugged clothes, but fusses about his looks.He is accomplished, in so many ways.His smile is to die for, his laughter I've learned to crave.He says he can't dance, but he's got some really cool moves.He is fun to be with, his husky voice makes me swoon.I like his innocent way of thinking, I'm intrigued by everything he says.He's funny, kind and sweet

Budapest

2010-01-01T18:23:00.024Z

Basilica - Between two cars. And a girl.Every street has two sides, the shady side and the sunny side.Kürtőskalács - Stove cake (a.k.a Chimney cake)Cooked over an open fire -- a Transylvanian specialty, famous as Hungary's oldest pastry.The river flows quiet and swiftIt twists and turns as the water driftIt branches and breaks - its fingers entwineIt grows and grows - snakes like a vine.(Kailey

Winter

2009-12-25T23:23:00.006Z

It's a white december.The tress are barren with little icicles hanging from their dying branches, the fallen leaves crusted into an eternal form on the cold, hard ground. Through the looking glass of my bedroom window, I see the world outside coated in a layer of possibilities. A mysterious wonderland. Breaming with magic, of flying little fairies with honey colored hair. I love how white it is.

Brian

2009-12-21T06:15:00.008Z

We were sitting in the doctor's lounge sipping our hot drinks quietly, lost in our own thoughts. I remember thinking that if I didn't speak up first, he'd probably be more than contented just sitting there in silence until we were due back for the wards. In the year we've been attached together, I have come to learn that he is a man of very few words. I usually just let the silence eat us up.

Because I'm a girl

2009-12-19T20:21:00.015Z

The notorious pain-in-the-u-know-where has returned. For a good two months I have been spared the company of this insufferable enemy, but today it has come to haunt me again - with a somewhat renewed vengeance!! I probably should have known it was coming when i started to feel that familiar achy feeling in my legs and that too-tender-to-touch sensation on that anatomy i will not name. But I had

Laxity

2009-12-16T17:02:00.011Z

I've gotta be honest. I've been rather cavalier about my whole 2-weeks GP attachment. And I'm sure doctors at the practice have noticed my rather lukewarm and off-handed beat to everything. I can't answer most of their questions. All the homework they give me are left undone. I'm unenthusiastic and I run off home the moment they turn their backs on me. This morning, I tried avoiding Dr Peter with

Jaded

2009-12-13T00:03:00.011Z

For some reason, writing doesn't feel so refreshing anymore. It doesn't give me the adrenaline rush i used to get every time I start typing on my old keyboard. I don't get that giddy feeling of satisfaction i used to get when i finish writing a piece. I believe all the boring academic reports I've been forced to write has distorted my writing style and left me crippled as an aspiring writer. I've

Mommy's little bully.

2009-12-05T20:26:00.003Z

My mom says: "Play nice, Kngah. Jangan gaduh-gaduh dengan your friends." "But mommy," I say, feeling like an 8 year old kid again, "I tak gaduh with anyone pon." "Then how come sampai tak nak cakap dengan your friend sebulan?" Darn, i forgot she reads my blog."You don't get it Mommy! I'm telling you it was a deal. I get to snap a picture of him crying his socks off, upload it on the internet,

Mugshot

2009-11-29T10:58:00.005Z

In exchange for a month's promise to be nice and keep my distance, I managed to get permission to write this, inclusive of pictures. ^^I've gotta be honest, the Malaysian lads in my class are... well, eccentric to say the least. Which is why I just can't figure them out, at all! But in all their eccentricities, I find some little comfort in knowing that one and only one of them is daring enough

Cold and Lonely

2009-11-23T20:31:00.007Z

Ms Mirror is no longer my friend. Nor is Ms Scale. They have both betrayed me, and betrayed me horribly they have. They used to be my friends; they used to sing me sweet sweet poetry. Now they just insult me and spit right in my face. I mean, what kind of friend would make you feel like a big, pregnant elephant? That would be Ms Scale, indeed! And what kind of friend would say you look like a

Cafe by the street.

2009-11-14T11:23:00.003Z

We've never been properly introduced before - Me and her. But I've seen her around - along the corridors of the hospital, in the computer suite, at events and gatherings. Whenever we crossed paths I always make a point to smile her way. She would usually look straight ahead, steps set in a purposeful walk, her face serious and unsmiling, totally oblivious to my friendly advances. So when I asked

I'm engaged.

2009-11-09T21:16:00.008Z

I was sitting alone in the common area of St Brigid's Mental Health Hospital, minding my own business when this psych patient came up to me. She asked questions about my headscarf and my religion - common enough questions that even normal people are intrigued on asking. I answered her as best as i could, trying hard not to agitate or offend her in any way. I thought i was handling the situation

Deja vu

2009-11-02T23:46:00.018Z

"I have stolen princesses back from sleeping barrow kings. I burned down the town of Trebon. I have spent the night with Felurian and left with both my sanity and my life. I was expelled from the university at a younger age than most people are allowed in. I tread paths by moonlight that others fear to speak of during day. I have talked to Gods, loved women, and written songs that make the

Sleeping like a baby.

2009-10-28T20:59:00.013Z

I woke up with a start. My phone was vibrating incessantly on the bedside table. I had put it on vibrate-only mode before going to sleep in hopes of getting a good night's rest, but my plan backfired. In my half-drowsy state, i scrambled to pick up the phone before it went silent."5 missed calls from Private Number."Private. Great. No chance of me returning the call then. I've always wondered why