Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Revelation

When i first started this blog, i envisioned a place where I could let my writings fly as free as a bird. I imagined a place where people could peek a (not so) rare glimpse into the workings of my thinking tank; into those nooks and crannies of my secret thoughts.

I felt i could let the world get a taste of what i really see of its inhabitants. I figured I'd be able to speak my mind, never to conform to the pressures of being prim, proper and civilized all the time; that I could say whatever i wanted to say, write whatever needs writing, and let my voice be heard without having to suffer any repercussions.

After all, it's my blog. Right? RIGHT???

WRONG!!

As much as i try to create a separate entity between the facade of reality and the truth of the virtual world, there's this thin red line that still blurs them together tightly into a giant mesh of trouble. In other words, whatever i say or do in my little virtual space seems, without fail, to persistently come back and haunt me in reality.

And that, my dear Watson, is never good news!

How in the world am i supposed to act all nice and sweet and elegant and graceful in real life when everyone knows from my writings that I'm nothing more than a cynical, sarcastic pessimist who just doesn't give a crap?

Thus, i've decided (not too abruptly i hope) to put an end to this madness! (By hiding away in solitary confinement, patiently waiting for that day when people will finally forget~)

So Asta la vista baby, Byebye, Sayonara, Adieu, and Selamat tinggal~ It was one heck of a bumpy ride, but definitely well worth the pain in the bum!

p/s: i posted a clean, no-nonsense, very cool and classy goodbye speech quote and you people still bombard me with questions (*tsk tsk). So there! One very long, BORING explanation. I hope u're proud of urselves!

Friday, March 20, 2009

Sayonara Sakura.


Adieu.
I have too grieved a heart to take a tedious leave.
(William Shakespeare)

We had a pretty good run, huh?
Now it's time to move on.
^____^

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Surgery

They moved in perfect harmony to each other - totally in sync; without the slightest hesitation or doubt in their skills - so much so that it was almost too breathtaking to watch. They were like a group of musicians playing out the most beautiful of orchestral symphonies.

They were, for lack of a better word, INSPIRING!!!

And there i stood - almost completely ignored at the corner with my legs going numb and my back screaming pain. Which, in all honesty was perfectly fine by me, so long as they let me be part of that amazing way they worked; that effortless way they moved.

It isn't hard imagining myself doing this for a living.

"Izzy - the remarkable female surgeon"

I can just clearly see me there - scalpel in hand, a group of nurses at my disposal hanging on my every command as i perform a three-stage oesophagectomy or an abdominal aortic aneurysm repair like a pro oozing with coolness.

....Ah, i'll be the perfect center of attention! (o_O)

But alas, a girl can dream as big and as grandiose a dream as she wants and life would still crush those fairy tale dreams with reality, knocking her out cold in the process.

Surgery, ladies and gentleman (and this may come as a surprise to some), is a male-dominated field~ Like high speed machines or football matches, a woman's presence in this sacred places of men is highly frown upon. (And i'd do good to remember that~)

So, yes... i have given up on my outrageously self-indulging dream before it even started.

But that's okay~

No really, it's okay.....

.....cos those hideous green surgical scrubs do nothing to flatter my sense of style anyway~

Monday, March 16, 2009

When i hit my 20's

I thought by the time i hit my 20s, I'd be a genius in the kitchen. I imagine myself whipping up delicious meals for my friends and family without an effort. I see them salivating at the mere whiff of my culinary perfection, while i smile smugly looking at their awed faces.
TRUTH: i can't even boil an egg without making a huge mess of myself.

I was told that by the time i hit my 20's, my raging hormones would start to settle itself down and I'd at last be free of teenage acnes. I was made to believe that I'd have flawless skin and a beautiful complexion, and that I'd be pretty like a princess.
TRUTH: why in the world do i still look like a pizza-faced teenager?

I thought that when i hit my 20s, I wouldn't be so bogged down by petty complaints; that I'd be mature enough to accept mean people as they are, and not be bothered by their inability to be nice or civilized.
TRUTH: I'm still very easily hurt by thoughtless words.

I thought that by time I hit my 20s, my age would finally catch up with my height and people would finally learn to stop staring at me like I'm a freak of nature just because I'm taller than the average school girl.
TRUTH: People still look at me weird
(maybe for reasons other than my height??)


I used to believe that when i hit my 20s, I'd have the answers to all my burning questions and I'd have the world all figured out.
TRUTH: Not the case at all.

Hmmm... maybe hitting my 30s is a better benchmark, huh??

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

A year lost, A year gained

In less than 24hours, I'll be leaving behind my glorious era of double 2s and will be starting a whole new chapter of my life - 23! Frankly speaking, i thought (10 years ago today) that i'd have life perfectly figured out by the time i reach this age. Unfortunately, I'm still as confuse and clueless as can be. Oh well~

Anyway, like last year... I've come up with a list of wishes.
So, without further ado.. here's what i want for my 23rd birthday:
A pair of eyes that does more than merely look.
Eyes that witness the magnificence which is Allah's creation; Eyes that perceive beauty in all things and matters~

A pair of ears that listens and not just hears.
The type that detects sadness or hurt in people's voices; The type that catches glimpses of joy in their choice of words~

A heart big enough to love and be loved in return.
A heart that is soft yet strong in nature; A heart which beats me closer and closer to Him~

A mind that never fails to question.
One that is inquisitive and keen to learn; One that is as sharp as a samurai's blade~

A set of wings that will take me places.
Wings that take flight when i soar with happiness; Wings that fly me home when i am lost or alone~

A steady supply of iman and tarbiyyah.
To rejuvenate my soul when it gets dry and flaky; to pick me up when i am down~

An alarm that sounds when i go into deep slumber.
The kind that wakes me up to my true potential; The kind that reminds me of my purpose for existence; The kind that keeps me rooted to the ground and humbled~

A friend.
Who knows my deepest darkest secrets but never judges; Who soothes my anger when i am annoyed; Who will tell me the truth when others lie; Who has my back no matter what~

Selfish wishes, i know. But since birthdays only come once every 365 days, I'm allowed to be more self-centred than usual! ^____^ hehe.

Happy (almost) birthday to me! Weeee~

Oh, and I love birthday cards. So keep 'em coming~