Monday, December 22, 2008

yada yada..

I didn't feel like writing today. And since it's the holidays and i have absolutely nothing worthwhile on my to-do list, i decided it's about time i start sketching again. So presenting my latest (but probably not my best) sketching yet.

Please meet.... tada~:

The subject of this particular sketch is someone very close to my heart. And eventho i tried really really hard, this looks absolutely nothing like her (she's far more prettier in life!.. hahaha). But hey, i'm no pro (so whaddya expect?)

Okie dokie.. Here's the deal: unless you have good things to say about this awesome sketch of mine, just shush.. I don't wanna hear any bad critiques, constructive or otherwise (at least not tonight).

So goodnight people. Sweet dreams~

p/s: can anyone guess who she is?

Sunday, December 21, 2008

The day you left.

That day you left was like any other day. We played, we laughed, we made silly jokes. I poked fun at you, and you did too. It was natural, nothing out of place. Just like any other ordinary day.

How could i have known?

No one told me what was going on. No one gave me the slightest clue. So I never knew. I never knew that was the last day I was ever gonna see you. And dense as i was, I didn't suspect a thing. Cos really, you never told me you were leaving.

When you suddenly hugged me, i became confused. Why the weird gesture, what's up with you? Have you become soft, i laughed at you. Then someone told me you were leaving for good. I came back to see you and demanded the truth. You said you thought i already knew. I said if i did i wouldn't have made fun of you.

I was so shocked; so sad; I cried. I couldn't let go, are you really leaving tonight? You say don't worry, we'll see each other again soon. You and i both know that's not true.

Now it's been days since that day you left. I'll be missing you, i truly will. Those days we had, i remember still. Good memories last, they surely will.

Please be happy, and have a good life!
You are the best and that's no lie.

Bye bye. ='(

p/s: I've been meaning to write this for days, but it always made me so sad i never could bring myself to finish it. To that special someone: Sayonara... i really hope we'll see each other again someday~

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Steaming hot!

Oh, I'm so ticked off right now i'm getting palpitations.
Grrrr.... I hate idiots. That's a fact!

The first lame thing about idiotic losers is that they go scoring the internet looking for friends, what a dope!! Then they go adding random people and expect to be greeted with big smiles and open caring arms! C'mon laaa, not everyone are desperate for friends. So, no means no! Can't you handle rejection like a man?

Oh seriously, get a life laa buddy!

And I just don't get it. Who in the world said speaking in English makes me any less a Malay? No wonder you're an idiot! Haisssh..you make my blood boil blue!!

If only i can find a cure for people who are inherently stupid. =____='

Friday, December 19, 2008

My ice-skating disaster.

Kebar, you really need to work on your pic-taking skills. Mr Snowman lost half his head in this. tsk tsk. =P

Me, bibik, Emy, Te'ah and Paan with 2 very weird guys. (LoL~)

So I went ice-skating yesterday night with some of my batch and some 5th meds. It was really fun (when i didn't fall). But i did fall. Three times! Each time worse than the last.

First, I fell on my bum. Hugely embarrassing, but I was otherwise fine.

The second time was a slightly more painful experience. I was (very) slowly and happily making my way around the ice rink when one of the 5th med (I don't know his name) grabbed me from behind, tugged on my arm and caused me to fall backwards and hit my head on the ice. It hurt like hell. I even saw stars for a second or two. Then, after one of the workers helped me up to my feet, this senior of mine had the nerve to brush off the ice from my back.

"Hey, not only did you make me fall, you're trying to molest me now? Sheeesh, stop touching my behind already!!" was what i said in my head.

No, it’s okay, no problemo. I can do that myself." was what I said to him.

Anyways, he apologized. So no harm done~

The third time was the worst. I was skating with Emy in the middle of the rink. There wasn't many people in the middle so we tried experimenting with our skates. Emy was trying to skate backwards or something and I was making small circles (not intentionally tho, I just kept going around in circles cos my left leg won't move to my will). So anyway, I really can’t remember what happened next. All I know is that I somehow slipped and fell hard on my face, hitting my lower jaw on the ice. I don't know why I didn't break the fall with my hands. It happened so fast, I probably didn’t have time to react (that’s just a theory).

Now, if the second fall had hurt like hell, this third one was 10 times worst! All I could think of at that moment was "Oh God, don't let me lose my teeth". I was very sure i did, cos the pain was excruciating. I didn't, thank heavens! And I didn't bite my tongue or anything.

But dang, how it hurt!!!

I had such a nasty fall, two or three people came over to help. One guy kept asking me if i was alright. "Yes yes, I'm fine" I told him. "You sure? He asked again. I probably didn't look too good at that point. "Yes, I'm sure" I said.

Secretly i thought to myself - "Oh please don't make a fuss. I've already bruised my face and my knees; need you bruise my ego as well?"
After I told him I was fine for the millionth time, he proceeded to help me up on my feet. Only he literally had to haul me up cos I was still hurting and shaky at the knees but too proud to admit it. He was a big man, no problem there. Then Emy helped me get to the edge of the ice rink where it was safe. The guy followed us.

My jaw was sore, and I was very ready to get out of that place. But since our time was almost up anyways, I thought, Heck I'll just weather this last 5 minutes through. So I stayed close to the side with Emy - nursing my throbbing jaw, my bruised chin, my aching back, knees, face, head, everything; while the guy kept coming and asking me if I was alright. When they finally opened the gates, he even came to help me out. Good man! =)

So that’s it - the story of my ice-skating disaster. I paid €10 to get myself bruised and beaten; and I even got to take home a mild concussion for freebies.

Not bad.
Not bad at all~

We should really do this more often, huh gang? =P
(erghh.. my head still hurts from last night~)

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

A chunk-ful of disappointments

This was supposed to be a very big a moment for me as a blogger. This was supposed to be my 100th entry; my final entry; my big farewell entry - the entry where i would make my big announcement; the entry where i would tell the world that I'm leaving Blogspot for good; the entry where i summarize all the good times and bad of this turbulent year.

This was supposed to be the entry where i get to give that little heartfelt speech of appreciation to all those accidental passer-by for kindly coming around to read my writings. To thank them for dropping in on those odd days where i let my fingers dance on the keyboard - intricately spinning some gossamer tales of life; or those quiet nights where i pour my heart out in little meaningless concoction of words to the beat of the music playing in the background.

This entry was supposed to be all that (and more)...

......but it isn't.

My brazen dream of a big teary farewell has been crushed to smithereens by the simple hard knocks of technology. (i'm typing this with just the slightest hint of exasperation. Why make things so hard for normal people like me? Grrrr.)

Have i lost my touch?

I probably have.

But i have no intentions of stopping. Hardly.
I'm merely doing what any good girl would do. I'm following my heart. I'm gliding along on that sweet breeze of change blowing through my window, while i toy with that nasty urge to dip my toes in unfamiliar waters (yet again).

You see, there's something wickedly exciting about trying out something new. It's the same kind of adrenaline rush you get when you cycle down a steep hill with no hands on the handle bar~ And in that split second just before you drop flat on you face, you feel this satisfying glow of greatness bursting in your heart.

But only for a second!

For you then fall (rather ungracefully) to the ground, and all those fake feelings come crashing on you like a big hungry, tsunami wave. And you realize (too late), that you should have just stick to what was safe.

I hope it's not too late for me. I may have gotten on the bike, but luckily i still have my hands clasp firmly on the handle bar.

So yes i did plan on moving to a new err... host?, or whatever it is they call that thing where they let you blog for free (plan dropped) and i did plan on changing the layout (also dropped). Right now i'm just too tired to care. I'll stick to what i'm used to - writing. I'll let all the geeks of the world handle the geeky stuff.

And if i ever babble about moving again, or making this blog private, or changing the layout, you have permission to give me a good smack on the head and get me back to my senses.

Gosh, I'm so bad at all this technology thingy, it's a miracle i have this blog in the first place. Thank goodness for small wonders. Heh. =__='


p/s: I'm dying to get my hands on a good book right now. Anyone has any suggestions? (And please please don't recommend any chick lits, they're not my thing)

Sunday, December 14, 2008

My apologies~

I’m just writing this to straighten things out. But first: thanks Balong for not blowing my cover when you had the chance. =) Hehehe. Ahem, okie dokie. I really don’t know where to start. So emmm... let me just dive in then, okay?

Now, remember that entry I wrote – Reality Check? Yes, the article that seemed like a pitiful act to gain sympathy. A “pity party” as my bro puts it. LOL, trust me, it was anything but!!! I actually wrote that as a fictitious story, to give a little weight to the newspaper article I attached at the end of the entry. Let me stress that again: FICTION!! Make-believe! Imaginary! Not true!

But then, people started giving me all those supportive comments and I just went along with it~ Hehehe.. and it felt good~

Please don’t ask me why I didn’t come clean earlier. Maybe cos it was fun letting people believe I was losing my grip on sanity? Or probably, I just didn’t think it was worth my time trying to point out the fallacy of their interpretation of my writing? Erk.

Anyways, I had a chat with someone the other day and he said one of my friend went crazy with worry when she read my entry (he might have exaggerated a little, i dunno). Oh dear, now that made me feel super guilty. I appreciate the concern. I really do!! But honestly, I don’t need no pat pat on the back. And contrary to popular belief, I don’t actually need any random acts of kindness to get me through my day (tho I have to admit, its nice when people show that they care).

So what I’m saying is, I do get stressed out sometimes (don’t we all?). But everyone has their own burdens to bear, and I think I’m old enough to handle mine myself, ne? No sympathetic shoulder to cry on needed.

I know all this misunderstanding was partly my fault too. My disclaimer at the bottom of the article was too small for some to see. So okay, I was wrong! I’ll work on that next time and I’ll remember to blow it up as big as the clouds so no one misses it.

Now if you could just take a moment to read through the entry again, u’d realize that the person in that story ain’t me: For example:
  1. Who says it doesn’t snow in Ireland? Of cos it snows! Here's a picture to prove it:
  2. My parents call me every other day. Vice versa. (yes, even on their hajj pilgrimage)
  3. I’m pretty sure my friends just love having me around. They aren’t the slightest bit tired of me (just yet). Hehehe. Right, housies? And even if they say no, they’re actually saying YES YES in their hearts but they’re too embarrassed to admit it. =P
  4. etc etc..
So anyway, I’ve learnt my lesson.
Now I’ll never underestimate people’s kindness. =)

Thank you and have a nice day~
Oh, and HAPPY BIRTHDAY CARBRY FULL HOUSE!!!

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Malaria virus.

Plasmodium malariae is NOT a VIRUS!!
Plasmodium malariae is NOT a VIRUS!!
Plasmodium malariae is
NOT a VIRUS!!

PLASMODIUM MALARIAE IS A
PARASITIC PROTOZOA!

Fuhhh~ I had to get that off my chest.

Yeap, i confused my parasites and viruses in my exam today (very silly schoolgirl mistake).

Nope, nope... i'm not depressed. Why would i be? This is the stuff of legends; exactly the idiotic mistake Prof Cormican would remember for life; just the kind of stupid blunder he'll 'lovingly' recount in his series of lectures to the future generations of med students unfortunate enough to cross his path.

So just between you and me... i actually wrote 'malarial virus' on my answer script on purpose. It was part of my elaborate masterplan to make Prof Cormican notice me. Heh.

I'm 'brilliant'.

I know.

Bravo to me!!

Friday, December 5, 2008

Izzy's winter exam schedule~

Fri, 5th Dec - Core Clinical Skills (SAQ)
Mon, 8th Dec - Core Clinical Skills (OSCE)
Wed, 10th Dec - Health and Disease (Microbiology, Patho, PHHP)
Thu, 11th Dec - Health and Disease (Practical exam)
Fri, 12th Dec - Forensics Pathology
Mon, 15th Dec - Global Health & Development
Tue, 16th Dec - Core Clinical Skills (MCQ)
Wed, 17th Dec - Discretionary Oral Exam

Yeap, i face a very daunting task ahead, and i need to be extra-focused!
So don't bother coming here for the next week or two, i won't be updating.
(And pls pray i get through this in one piece, ne!)


+++izyan in super-nerdy mode+++

Monday, December 1, 2008

Reality check.

First, you alienate all your friends so you could concentrate on your studies and get those amazing results that'll book you a place in med school (preferably overseas, cos you've wondered almost all your teenage life what real snow looks like, only to realize when you get there that it doesn't snow in Ireland)

Then, just when you thought your dreams have all come true (i.e you're finally in med school and in a country where they have four seasons) - you find yourself struggling to fit in with the local people. You don't understand them, they don't understand you; you never get their jokes, they never get yours. Eventually, you just give up and stick to your own kind, who by 3 years time are starting to show signs of annoyance at seeing your pathetic face day in day out as you blabber about your miserable existence.

But you don't give up. You have a medical degree to chase. You can't let small setbacks bring you down. And so you keep pushing on, taking those small baby steps as the geniuses around you make extraordinary leaps into greatness. You watch them with envy, wishing you were just a little bit smarter, if not a tiny bit luckier. But you aren't. So as the days stretch by, you've resorted yourself to drown in gloom alone in your room.

Sometimes you try seeking solace in friends back home whom you thought knew you well enough to understand. But as you desperately try to fish for their sympathy, you somehow remember that these are the same friends you alienated years ago for your own selfish reasons. They don't say it out loud, but they hate your guts. They think you're a snob, mostly cos they've long stereotyped you into that category of snobbish med students who dance and play in a magical place across oceans and seas, where (supposedly) snow falls from the sky like wisps of cotton candy.

They can't be more wrong.

But still, sensing their coldness towards you, you start to slowly but surely shy away from these so-called friends of yours (who seem to hate you with a vengeance). Confused, frustrated and alone... nobody ever grasp how miserable you truly are. You keep thinking "Why do people hate me so much?"

You cry yourself to sleep at night, waiting for that phone call from your parents (the only people who'll love you no matter what), only to realize that they won't be calling in the next month or two cos they're off somewhere doing their thing.

Alas, you've come to the awful yet very real conclusion:
"Life as an overseas medical student is not all that great~"
[based loosely on the true story of a struggling med student]

p/s: I'm not yet qualified to diagnose anyone, but all this hu-ha tells me that the prognosis looks grim for people reading medicine. [To all my fellow med-student friends: BE STRONG!!!]

Read this: Many medical students suffer from depression
and this: At least 5 doctors to suffer from mental woes every month