Tuesday, February 23, 2016

Cottonblitz

Maybe it was a phase. Writing, I mean. I used to itch with the need to write. That itch, unfortunately (or is it fortunately?), is no longer.

I suppose I will continue to write from time to time. Mostly just to keep the literary part of me alive.

Love me or hate me.

In any case, for the time being.. Enjoy my current pastime - cotton!

IG: cottonblitz.

Saturday, October 10, 2015

Year 1

Tarikh ini satu tahun yang lalu.

Hatiku berdebar-debar menanti ketibaan kamu. Di luar, tetamu mula membanjiri ruang kecil rumah ibubapaku. Meraikan malam gembira kita berdua.

Kamu tiba tepat pada waktu. Aku cuma pandang kamu dari hujung mataku, maluku masih bersisa ketika itu. Wah, kamu sungguh segak dalam persalinan putih baju melayu. Itulah bakal imamku, senyum aku sendiri.

Kamu gementar, aku tahu. Tapi begitu juga aku.

Besar sekali tanggungjawab bakal dipikul olehmu, menjadi nakhoda kapal yang kita akan layari bersama. Tapi aku tahu kamu mampu. Kerana kamulah jodoh yang telah aku tunggu sekian lama.

Malam itu berkat doa kedua-dua keluarga, kita disatu. Alhamdulillah, terima kasih Allah, aku bersyukur ditemukan dengan kamu.

Semoga hubungan kita kekal berkekalan hingga ke Jannah. Engkau imamku, engkau sahabatku, engkau juga teman gaduhku, engkaulah segalanya bagiku.

Aku sayang kamu.



Thursday, July 16, 2015

The L word

"I love you," he says.

I love you too. I answered, almost by habit now. 

We've been married almost a year, and i have no doubt in my heart that he is the one.

Tonight though, I 'm suddenly reminded of a time when I refuse to reciprocate his words of affection. We had only started dating then. He'd tell me that he loved me and I was the only one for him. I'd smile, out of politeness, and tell him I fancied him too. I avoided using the L word, because it just didn't feel right. 

But he was a much more sensitive man than I first thought. 

"But do u love me?" He'd ask. 

hmm.. How do you tell a person that you like him, yet still unsure whether liking him was anything akin to love. 

I do like u. I repeat. 

"I know u like me. But do you love me?" He'd insist.

I usually just let the question linger for a bit before changing the subject. 

A few months later I did tell him I love him. More so because he kept insisting that I say it, and not because i was any clearer of my feelings.

I used the L word long before i was ready, i was using it before i even meant it.

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Tonight after our ritual nightly skype session.. He finishes off with his usual "I love u".

When did you realize u love me?  I don't know why I asked. I just felt like i needed to know.

"From the very beginning," he replied without hesitation.

When was that?

"Probably about a week after we met, when i first told u i loved you, remember?" 

You never ask me when I started loving u. I said.

It's true. He never seem to doubt all the 'I Love Yous' I've given him all this while. 

"I don't need to ask," he says. "I already know."

Really? This was interesting. When? I asked. 

"After we got married." he said without blinking.

That took me aback a bit. How did he know? I thought I hid it so well.
I was ashamed to admit that my sincerest ILY came only after we were finally hitched.
The fact that he knew, and never once brought it up or make me feel bad about it.....

...makes my heart skip a beat or two.

Here was a man who knew me to the deepest crevices of my heart; the darkest nook and crooks of my inner being, and yet still loves me unconditionally.

I must be the luckiest girl alive.

I want to shout from the highest peak of the world.

I LOVE YOU!! I REALLY TRULY DEEPLY LOVE YOU!




...and i mean it this time.




Saturday, May 16, 2015

bluebells

I wish you were here.

Sometimes I'd wake up from a bad dream in the middle of the night frantically looking for you. My arms reach across the bed seeking your familiar, warm, reassuring hug. But you're not there.

That's when i'm jolted into reality. I'm all alone. You're not here with me.

I'd glance at the clock and realize it's mid morning where u are and u're probably busy at work. So I fall back into a restless slumber, willing my subconscious to dream of better times, when we weren't physically separated by whole oceans and continents.

Either way.

You're still not here with me.

And I miss you terribly.

Wednesday, May 6, 2015

evo

The first time i met him, i thought he was cute. He looked shy, hardly uttered a word the whole time and never once looked my way. But there was something about him that made my heart skipped a beat.

Before the night ended, he suddenly asked for my number. I was pleasantly surprised, i had no idea he was interested. He asked me out on a date a few days later. As a rule i don't normally go out alone with guys, and dad wasn't the type who would let me either.

Somehow this one time my dad said okay...

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I vividly remember our first date.

He had wanted to take me ice skating and he had it all planned out. He didn't tell me where we were heading as he wanted to surprise me. When we got to the place, my heart sank. You see, unfortunately for him, i had made a vow years ago never to step foot onto an ice skating rink ever again in my life. I had a desperate fall while ice skating in my younger student years which left me with a minor concussion and a bruised ego.  So ice skating was a big no no for me!

We were definitely off to a bad start.

Instead of a fun time ice skating, we went to dinner instead.

It was slightly awkward at first because i didn't know what to say so he was doing most of the talking. And truth be told, he wasn't very good at it. Haha. I could tell he was just as nervous as I was. Maybe even more so, considering all the nonsense he was spouting. I actually found it kinda cute, but i pretended not to notice.

After the initial awkwardness subsided, the dinner conversation drifted from one topic to another. He was pleasant company and I felt comfortable talking to him. At one point, I told him i couldn't swim and would normally avoid large bodies of water in case i get into any flotation emergency.

"Is that so?" He says sipping his drink.

"Well, don't worry. Someday i'll teach u how to swim. And i'll make sure u don't drown."

He said it so casually as if it was nothing. But it was something. Indirectly, he was fishing for another date with me. Indirectly, he was making future plans for us. Indirectly, he was telling me he'll be there for me and keep me safe.

I was flattered.

At last things were clicking between us. From then on, it was smooth sailing.

We had such a good time getting to know each other that we didn't realize we were the last patrons at the restaurant, and they were closing for the night! For politeness sake, I offered to go Dutch on the bill.

"No," he tells me. "it's on me."

Yes! The sign of a true gentleman! I have definitely hit the jackpot.

Once I decided that, there was no way he wasn't going to be mine. *wink wink*.

......And the rest, they say, is history. =)

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P/s: To that sweet but awkward man, who is now my husband, u still owe me swimming lessons!


Thursday, February 19, 2015

Golden Dawn



Video: Nikah (101014)
Music: Home by Phillip Phillips

video


Video: Reception (111014)
Music: Close your eyes by Silver Trees

video




Did i tell u how i was a fat bride?

Oh, I didn't?

It must have slipped my mind. Hehe. Anyhow, as starkly evident in the videos above, i was a little chubbier than my usual svelte beautiful self.

To be completely honest, i didn't really care. It was the happiest day of my life, and everything was just perfect. I'd do it again a million times over if i could. (Always with the same handsome man of course!). And I wouldn't change a thing!. I would have kept it exactly the same, down to every last extra weight i carried.

Yep it was THAT perfect.

And thus, the hopeless-romantic Nerd has finally gotten herself hitched.
To the world's sweetest man.

Lucky her.

Love,
Yours truly.


Thursday, December 25, 2014

Mountain Dew

To my sweet and kind husband,

I never doubted for a second that you were the one for me. From the very beginning, i have liked you. And over time, this like grew into feelings of deep love. I can't begin to explain why or how i love you. I just do.

Maybe it's those little things you do. Maybe it's the way u care. Maybe it's the fact that I've been searching for someone my whole life to complete me, and you were the only one able to fill those gaps in my heart. All i know is that since i met you, I've felt whole.

I know in our time together i have said some very hurtful things to you. Things i regret ever saying. Thing i don't actually mean. I'm so sorry for ever hurting you. I wish I can take it all back, and just let you see the me that loves you.

But you've already seen the ugly and horrible side of me; all my insecurities and deepest fears...

and yet you stayed.

For that, i love you even more.

You are my first love.
And i know you will be my last.
I can never love anyone the way that i love u.

For many years to come. May we have a great life together.

With all my heart,
Your Wife.


Monday, November 17, 2014

Spin

I had been trying to shake off a bad cold for 2 weeks when it happened.

The world started spinning, literally spinning in front of my eyes. The sensation was so intense i staggered to the bathroom and vomited. It didn't actually make me feel any better though. I was scared. What was happening?

Then my eyes did this crazy thing where it beat from left to right, left to right, left to right against my will. So i closed my eyes and laid there on the floor wondering if i was having a stroke (of course i wasn't).

And as i laid there with my eyes shut and the world spinning crazily in my head, i vowed to myself i will never ever again casually dismiss a patient when they complain of vertigo. Because now that I've experienced it myself and found out how distressing it was, i wouldn't think of it as 'just' vertigo anymore.

Anyway, the sensation passed after a good long snooze on my living room floor.

I'm grand now.




Friday, November 7, 2014

Poetic

As if he knows my love for the written word, he starts reciting a beautiful poem.
It tells of his feelings, how much he misses me, that I fill his dreams and subconscious.
And at the end of the poem, he holds me in his embrace. Finally. Together.

It was sweet, and eloquent. It was out of the blue.

Whose it is? I ask.

"Timis," he says.

"He's my favorite poet."

I start to melt a little. Handsome and a Romantic. I've really hit the jackpot.

"............  my favorite poet since 5 minutes ago," he continues without blinking.
"I just Googled it."
.
Oh, u should trust men to always give such a anticlimactic answer. (+____+')

Wednesday, September 17, 2014

shifty

There are many reasons why nurses annoy doctors: (And believe me... They do!).
Here i present some scenarios on a typical night oncall (based on true events):

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Scenario 1

I get a bleep at 4am. (4 freaking am! remember this cos it's important)

Nurse: Hi doctor. Patient X had Gentamicin (an antibiotics) levels done earlier.
Doc: Yes. I know that. I took them myself (at 9pm)
Nurse: Should she get her morning gentamicin?
Doc: Yes, she should. At the same dose. I wrote that in the medical notes. I couldnt tell u because i couldnt find u when i was up there. (U were probably on ur endless breaks). What time is she due for it again?
Nurse: 9am

*facepalm*

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Scenario 2:

Nurse: hi doc, can u review a patient. She had an epistaxis (nosebleed) earlier and her nose was packed by ENT. Now the pack fell out. Can u see her please.
Doctor Awesomeness: Is she still bleeding?
Nurse: errr well, the pack just fell out.
Doctor Awesomeness: yes, you told me that already. My question is.. is she still bleeding? Does she actually need her nose packed again?
Nurse: err, i'll check and call you back.

*she never called me back*



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Scenario 3:

Nurse: hello. Im calling from resus. Are you covering resus?
Doctor: No im not.
Nurse: okay, well.... we've got a 65 year old lady here with acute dyspnoea with saturations of 68%.... Bla bla bla...
Doctor: ......... (Didn't i just tell her i wasn't covering resus?)



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Scenario 4

Nurse: hello doctor. I have a patient on IV antibiotics and needs a cannula.
Doctor Do-a-lot: alright. I'll be up in a sec.
(Trudges along to the ward)
Doctor Do-a-lot: so which one is the patient that needs that cannula.
Nurse: oh, im sorry doctor. She actually already has one. But while u are here..... (Lists a gazillion other jobs for me).
Nurse to other nurse(s): Mary, paddy (yells)... Do u have anything for the doctor while she's here?

*erghhh... I can't even.....*


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And that, my dear Watson, is why nurses annoy the hell out of doctors.